August 17, 2017

Financial infidelity and money conversations

In week one, we talked about the idea of money personalities. Another important concept relating to money and conflict that is important to understand was coined by Bethany and Scott Palmer in their book “First comes Love, then comes Money”:

Financial infidelity is what happens when a person drives his/her family into debt with his/her overspending. It is the lack of financial planning that leaves her family desperate. It is two people maintaining separate accounts because they don’t trust each other enough to pool their resources. It is the desire to control another person’s life by limiting his/her access to money. It happens every time a person lies, cheats or deceives his partner about money. It is the betrayal of trust that two people put in each other when they commit to a relationship. Overspending, separation, lack of planning, control and secrets- these forms of financial betrayal can be just as damaging to that trust as sexual betrayal”. (p.9)

At Next Step Financial Solutions Inc., we work with people (couples, friends, siblings, and partners) to talk about money. We encourage and facilitate regular “money talks” so that each party feels heard and that each party understands the money personality and, thus the motivations, of the other. We use our mediation skills to develop trust and teach a tried and true communication system so that the people inside the money conflict learn how to hear the needs of the other. Then they can develop workable solutions to make their relationship stronger, more connected and longer lasting.

So to answer our own question- Why is it important to have regular money conversations?  Again using a term from “First Comes Love, then comes Money” by Bethany and Scott Palmer- these conversations are “the key to restoring your financial relationship” (p.151).

It is worth to make this investment in your relationship and your understanding- remember the statistics from week one- “Fighting about money is the major cause of divorce”. If you are not in primary relationship, you can still benefit from this understanding. Know that improving communication in your friendships, family, workplace and, most importantly, truly understanding your own motivations are life changing, positive steps. We have seen, time and again, that understanding money personality will enhance your financial well-being and bring abundance into your life.

Lastly, if you can see some of your actions (present or past) within the realm of financial infidelity, please give us a call to begin money coaching with Next Step- “A safe place to talk about money”.

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